


Rossi's Magnificent Seven

by Jekkah



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance, entire team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-23
Updated: 2012-06-23
Packaged: 2017-11-08 09:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jekkah/pseuds/Jekkah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rossi and JJ start a bet over who can influence Hotch's love life. Written for the CCOAC Fanfic Challenge Round 9 - March Madness Assignments as a pinch hit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rossi's Magnificent Seven

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the DVDs.
> 
> Author's Note: This is my attempt at the CCOAC Fanfic Challenge Round 9 - March Madness Assignments pinch hit - 2011. My pairing was JJ/Dave and the prompt was The Magnificent Seven. I have never written so much Rossi ever so forgive me if I'm off the mark. This was a bit out of my comfort zone, which I suppose is always good to write. Hope you enjoy!

Rossi blamed the margaritas. He had always been a scotch drinker, a sometime wine connoisseur, the very occasional beer drinker, but that night, sitting on his deck, they had been drinking margaritas.

He had thrown a "Welcome Back/Welcome Home" party for Emily and JJ, when they both returned to the BAU and after the tension had mostly drained from the team over the secrets and lies that led to Emily's fake death. It was a chance for the team to get together without the stress of a case, a chance to kick back and relax. His large home offered the perfect spot for an all night bender as he had room for the entire team to sleep comfortably.

As the night dragged on, the team dropped off one by one until only JJ and himself remained. She seemed unwilling to give up her kid-free night until she absolutely had to and he was enjoying her company and the loose lips that the alcohol provided the blond agent. At some point, and Rossi still wasn't clear on just how the conversation came to this, they were discussing Hotch's love life or lack thereof.

Rossi claimed that Hotch was too picky when it came to dating, but if he could convince Hotch to listen to his advice, he could find him a suitable match. JJ scoffed at him. She had heard stories about the women Rossi spent his time with in the past and was confident that no one Rossi came up with would be any good. Affronted, Rossi doubted she could come up with anyone better and told her in not so polite terms.

"Seven."

"What?" Rossi asked, confused. He peered at her over the margarita glass.

"You're going to throw a party in exactly one month. We are each going to bring seven women to this party. Whoever brings the girl that Hotch makes a date with wins."

Rossi took a sip, mulling it over. "Wins what?"

"If I win, you have to baby-sit Henry for seven nights of my choosing."

"What's the deal with seven?"

JJ shrugged. "It's a theme."

"Okay," Rossi agreed, figuring there was no way he would have to deal with the hyper three-year-old. He was already mentally cataloging the women he knew. "If I win, you have to be my date to my next seven cocktail parties and have to hang off my arm all evening."

"Wouldn't that cramp your style?"

"Trust me. The women at these parties are... not my cup of tea." He shuddered. "What do say?"

"You got yourself a deal."

It took exactly four hours on Monday morning for the bet to reach the ears of all of the BAU team members sans Hotch. Morgan and Emily were pleased almost to the point of being giddy over the idea of setting Hotch up on a date. Reid appeared perplexed over the entire idea and Garcia set up a poll over who would win. They all offered JJ help, assuming that due to Rossi's contacts and his long time friendship with Hotch that he had the edge. JJ simply gave them a smile and assured everyone she had it all under control. They threatened Rossi that they would tell Hotch the plan unless they received an invitation to the party. No one wanted to miss out on the fun.

Rossi took every opportunity to taunt JJ with terms of the bet. He sent her newspaper clippings of his previous dates through interoffice mail. He sent links to websites of cocktail dresses to her e-mail. He handed her gift cards for a professional make-up artist and an upscale salon. He even began to point out shoes of other women that he thought would look good on her. That last one was overheard at one point by Hotch, causing him to pull Rossi into a private meeting to review HR regulations. JJ took it all in stride.

Morgan, Emily, Reid, and Garcia (who dragged Kevin along) all arrived an hour earlier to Rossi's in order to get the first glimpse at his "Magnificent Seven" as Garcia dubbed them. Rossi had reveled in the name. They were disappointed to learn that Rossi had asked the women to come slightly later so that they would be able to make an entrance, hoping to upstage JJ's guests. They all rushed to the front door when JJ's car rolled up.

"Good evening, JJ," Rossi said, smugly when he opened the door. He took in blue, flowing cocktail dress. "You look lovely this evening."

"Thank you, Dave."

"No Will tonight?"

JJ shook her head, blushing slightly. "He took Henry away for a fishing weekend."

"Sounds fun."

"Enough with the chit chat!" Garcia ordered, breaking in between them. "Where are your girls, JJ?"

"You were able to come up with some, weren't you?" Emily added, nervously. She had bet against her friend, not that she would ever admit that, but she didn't JJ to be humiliated.

"Don't worry. I've got it covered." JJ turned to Rossi and breathed in sharply. "I didn't come up with seven though."

Rossi's eyes lit up. "That's okay. It's quality, not quantity. I'm sure-"

"Hotch is here!" Morgan announced from his spot by the window.

Hotch walked into Dave's foyer to find his entire team standing there. He glared at each of them suspiciously, his hands in the pockets of his suit that was slightly more formal than he normally wore.

"We have a confession to make," Rossi told him, stepping forward. "This isn't just a cocktail party."

Hotch raised an eyebrow. "It's not?"

"No, see, JJ and I-"

"Well, frankly, we made a bet over your love life," JJ continued.

"We each agreed to bring seven women here and whoever you agreed to go on a date with would determine the winner."

"What if I don't make a date with anyone?" Hotch pondered.

JJ straightened his tie. "Then we get to rag on you for months about your love life."

Hotch huffed a puff of air. He opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted when the doorbell rang.

"Oh! That'll be Carol." Rossi shooed everyone but Hotch and JJ into the living room. He smoothed his hair before opening the door to tall brunette with jade eyes. She wore pearls on her ears, her neck, and her finger. Rossi took her hand to kiss it. "Carol, so glad you could make it. Please come in."

"Hello, David," Carol replied in a nearly bored voice. "Thank you for the invitation."

"Carol Bailey, I'd like to introduce you to one of my oldest friends, Aaron Hotchner."

"Nice to meet you," Hotch said politely. He struggled to hide the smile on his face as he noticed JJ subtly roll her eyes.

"Carol is a very successful interior decorated. She's decorated the offices of at least three senators and four Congressmen. She has one ex-husband and no children."

"Children tend to just," Carol waved her hands around, "muck everything up."

Rossi jumped forward quickly. "Okay. Why don't you just go on in there. The bar is fully stocked."

"Good job, Rossi,"snarked JJ.

"Don't worry I have six more coming." The doorbell rang. "Speaking of which... Nora! It's good to see you."

"Hi, Dave. I hope I'm not late. The kids simply wouldn't let me leave the house," Nora said, rapidly. She was a woman of average height with short, blond hair and a perky smile. She turned from Rossi to Hotch, giving JJ a cursory glance. "You must be Aaron. It is such a pleasure to meet you. Dave, you didn't tell me he was so... handsome."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Nora," Hotch said, politely, shaking her hand.

"Dave tells me you have a six-year-old son. I have three boys of my own: three, five, and seven. Your little one will fit right in."

JJ gave Dave a pointed look as Nora continued to talk about her kids, her job, her mother, her ex, her house, her next vacation, and the last time she took her kids to the park. She never slowed her speech, didn't appear to take a breath. Hotch stood there, appearing to listen, nodding occasionally, but his eyes were glossed over.

"Nora, dear," Rossi said, when she finally paused, "why don't you go ahead in and grabbed a drink?"

"Wow!" JJ exclaimed. "She's-"

"What? She's got kids; he's got a kid. He never talks; she never shuts up. It's a match made in heaven."

"Or hell! My choice is looking up."

"We'll just see," Rossi said as the doorbell rang. "That's the next of my Magnificent Seven."

Rossi opened the door with a huge grin that soon faltered when he saw the face of his next guest, Barbra. Her blue eyes were red and puffy, tears streaking down her cheeks. Her blond hair was unkempt and her make-up was only half-applied.

"Barbra! What's wrong?" Rossi pulled her into a hug, which only made her start to sob.

"Gregory is sick!"

Rossi pulled away to look at her. "Gregory?"

"My cat! He hasn't been eating. The vet says it's nothing, but I'm sure he's dying!" She puffed at Rossi's bewildered face and stormed into the living room, muttering, "I need a drink."

"Oh, you're right, Dave. These are getting better and better," JJ told him. She pointed a finger suddenly at Hotch, who was trying to escape up the stairs. "Not a step, mister!"

The doorbell rang again, but Rossi was much less enthusiastic about answering the door after the previous three encounters. He found a petite woman in khakis and a green sweater. Her hair was brown, short, and curly and her lips appeared chapped.

"Hey, Dave," she said, abruptly, not waiting to be invited in before stepping inside.

"Catherine Gordon, this is Aaron Hotchner. Aaron, allow me to introduce you to my friend, Catherine."

Catherine roamed her eyes up and down Hotch as he shifted uncomfortably. "Do you hike? You look a little scrawny."

"I, uh, hm," Hotch stuttered. He looked to Rossi and JJ for help, but JJ avoided eye contact and Rossi simply grimaced. "I believe there's an open bar in the living room."

"Alcohol? Never touch the stuff."

"I made sure that the bartender brought organic juice just for you," Rossi promised, finally finding his voice. He waited until Catherine left the foyer before turning to JJ with his hands up in surrender. "Okay, even I admit that one wasn't my best choice."

"Ya think?" she teased.

Hotch attempted to give each of them his trademark glare, but they both stoutly ignored him.

Another doorbell ring brought the next of the Magnificent Seven. This time, it was an artist named Willow. She was tall with black hair that hung to her waist. She wore a long skirt and a long blouse, had six hoops in each ear and a nose ring. She kissed each of them hello, including JJ, causing Rossi to look on with interest. She glided from the foyer to the living room with ease. They could see her greeting everyone in the living room in the same manner.

"Do I get a bonus if I also find you a date?" Rossi asked JJ, who smack his upper arm.

The doorbell didn't ring for the next guest. She simply stepped through door. She took one look at Dave and another at Aaron before hastily retreating to the living room, her red hair flowing after her.

"Really, Dave? Your ex-wife?" Hotch asked him, eyebrows raised.

"Sarah is a very nice person, once you get past her personality," he countered. Rossi went to open the door again. "I think you'll find my last choice very pleasing."

His last choice was a Quality Assurance Analyst for a software company named Allison. She wore a simple, black cocktail dress and minimal make-up. Her blond hair was loosely curled and fell just below her shoulders. She shook Rossi's hand, politely thanking him for inviting her. She made sure to introduce herself to JJ before greeting Hotch. Allison spoke only briefly, making sure to include everyone in the conversation. By the time she went to join the rest of the party, JJ had a worried expression on her face.

"Guess not all of my choices are off the mark, huh, JJ?" Rossi baited JJ.

JJ steeled her face. "We haven't gotten to mine, yet. Don't get cocky yet."

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm always cocky." Both JJ and Hotch rolled their eyes at that last statement.

"That one should be for me," JJ said when the doorbell rang again. She opened the door to reveal a young brunette with dark eyes. They immediately hugged each other. JJ grabbed her wrist to drag her over to Hotch. "Hotch, this is my friend, Molly. Molly, this is Hotch, the guy I've been telling you about. Molly and I have been friends since college. She just moved down here about six months ago so she doesn't really know the area too well."

"It's nice to meet you," Hotch said, warmly, taking her hand.

"You, too." Molly had just the hint of a Southern accent. She turned to Rossi. "You must be Mr. Rossi. Thank you so much for the invitation tonight. I really appreciate it. You have a beautiful home."

It was Rossi's turn to look apprehensive. He could see from the smile on Hotch's face that he was being completely charmed by Molly. To be honest, Rossi was a little charmed by her himself.

"Okay, let's go join the party," JJ said to the group, drawing Rossi out of his thoughts.

Rossi grabbed JJ's arm to stop her from entering the living, letting both Molly and Hotch pass. "Really, JJ? You've only got one?"

"One's all I need," she said confidently.

The party went fairly smoothly, discounting the time when Sarah, Dave's ex, tossed a vodka martini in his face and violently rocketed out of the house, cursing enough to make them all blush. Carol begged off shortly after that, claiming she had an important meeting in the morning. They all seemed to breath a little easier after her departure.

Hotch spent his evening dividing his time equally between all of the women and even managed to converse with his team members. He should no particular interest in anyone, however, causing uneasiness and disappointment to build among the non-potential date party-goers. Morgan and Garcia began to subtly try to push Hotch towards any of the women, not wanting the night to be a complete dud. This only resulted in Morgan and Garcia finding themselves in an awkward more than once.

"What happens if he doesn't pick anyone?" Prentiss muttered to Garcia as the evening wound down.

"Then my Kevin becomes a very rich man." They both looked at Kevin, who was shoveling food into his mouth. He nearly choked over the nervousness that settled in his stomach knowing he was the subject of whatever they were discussing.

"Uh, I found this guy outside," Reid announced to the party, leading a clean cut man just a few years older than himself into the living room. "He claims to belong to someone here."

"Oh, me," Molly called out. "This is my husband, Thomas."

Reid sighed as he flopped down next to Garcia. "I just lost a lot of money. JJ doesn't have anyone."

"Don't worry, sweetie." Garcia rubbed his arm. "So did Anderson."

"No one else betted on JJ? Really?"

Garcia shrugged and turned her attention back to Hotch. The party began to break up. Hotch and Rossi escorted the remainders of his Magnificent Seven to their cars. Reid watched them from the window and reported to everyone what was occurring outdoors. After a few minutes, JJ walked Molly and Thomas outside as Rossi came back in.

"I guess that's that," Rossi sighed. All eyes turned to him. "So, what are you going to do about the bet?"

"Looks like Kevin won it all. He bet that Hotch wouldn't pick anyone," Garcia told him, unable to hide the dejection in her voice.

"Uh, guys?" Reid called out. He had resumed glancing out window. "I think Hotch is kissing someone."

The rest of the team and Kevin rushed to the window, too. They could see Hotch standing in the driveway, leaning down. A pair of feminine hands were looped around his neck.

"Who is it?" Emily asked Rossi, but saw only the back of his head as he marched out of living room. All eyes turned back to the windows as Rossi nearly bounced onto the driveway.

Rossi cleared his throat loudly to get their attention. His mouth dropped as Hotch pulled away from his kissing partner. "What the hell?"

"Hi Dave," Hotch and JJ said in union, sheepishly. They both wiped their mouths as pink tinged their cheeks.

"You... You... You set me up!" he exclaimed, wagging a finger at them both.

JJ tittered. "The bet was whomever brought the woman that Hotch made a date with would win. I brought me. I win."

Dave huffed and puffed, but finally acquiesced. He was strangely proud of the young agent for pulling one over on him. It didn't happen very often. Noticing how tightly Hotch was holding onto her hand, he couldn't begrudge any happiness she brought his friend. None of them may have seen this coming, but he was sure they would all be encouraging.

"You just made Reid and Anderson very happy," Dave finally commented, leading them back into the house where a million questions waited for them.

JJ squeezed Hotch's hand. "So, Dave, about that baby-sitting..."

"What do you say double or nothing?" Rossi flung back. "I hear Dr. Reid hasn't been on a date in awhile..."

THE END


End file.
